Less or zero support in a romantic relationship can make you feel dismissed, rejected, alone, and often invisible. Are you faced with an emotionally unavailable partner? If yes, it might seem to you like a never-ending fight to gain your partner’s heart and affection. The end result is that you might feel emotionally blank!
Delving into the dynamics of the emotionally unavailable relationship
Several factors decide the way we respond to vulnerability and love as adults. Usually, the answers stem from how we were raised as a kid. It also depends on our attachment style.
Most emotionally unavailable people have attachment wounds. Such patterns are deeply ingrained in a person that outlines the things that you can expect in the bond. It also gives you information about how you can interpret romantic cues and how you behave with a partner or a potential date. According to research, most emotionally unavailable people grew around primary childhood caregivers and attachment figures who were insensitive, emotionally cold or hostile towards them when they needed warmth and a deep connection. As a result, when they grew up, these people disconnected themselves from the need for an emotional connection.
The signs of emotional unavailability in relationships
Most people fortify and disconnect emotionally or even physically for securing themselves and coming up with a dismissive avoidant attachment style. When you are in a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style, it will get manifested in various ways. A few of these include:
- Struggles to share vulnerability
- Finding it challenging to ask for help
- Not wanting to be in a relationship out of fear
- Repressing emotions instead of expressing it
- Avoiding conflicts and developing a passive communication style
- Not getting interested in developing deep, meaningful connections with another person
- Finding it easy and comfortable to interact at a superficial level
- Finding it challenging to recognize and acknowledge emotions
- Not being familiar with the attachment-associated signals
Since emotionally unavailable people find it hard to express emotions and showcase sympathy, chances are people read them as callous and insensitive. They can sometimes bring ample distance in their long-distance relationship by working excessively. Alternatively, they might end up spending excessive time cultivating their hobbies and friends and not giving their partners or family members the required time they should.
The roadmap to date an emotionally unavailable partner
In matters of love, we can’t always choose accurately. Should you find yourself in love with an emotionally unavailable person, who has a good heart and character, it’s worthwhile to pursue them with some help at hand, such as:
- Get social support
If you have to do every emotional labor in your relationship, then it’s a hectic task! You might feel drained and starved. So, go ahead and seek help from a support group that can provide you with meaningful advice to deal with the situation at hand.
- Get in touch with a relationship coach or counselor
The relationship coaches who specialize in emotionally focused and cognitive behavioral therapy will help the partners clearly understand their attachment needs and wounds. It will help to create a functioning bond. In case the partner is not open to couples counseling, chances are you must start with individual therapy. To know more about this, you can check out Ray of Solace.
- Approach the matters at hand with curiosity and compassion
Rather than thinking that it’s their problem or yours, it would help if you looked at the matter as something to delve into. Choose empathy, and you can ward of excess anxiety. That aside, you should also put your guard down and become vulnerable with someone who can turn out to be emotionally cold, is a challenging situation. But if you keep the big picture in mind, chances are you can make a headway.
- Recognize all your needs
Do you need to think about how you behave, or do the thoughts you incur a partner don’t showcase any emotions or attachment? Do you find yourself to move away and shut down emotionally? Do you end up pursuing them more or get anxious? You need to check whether it affects your well-being adversely or not. There are chances that you can become supportive of your partner and also address your needs. It’s essential to find that midway.
Are you emotionally unavailable?
Chances are that you, too, have learned to block your emotions and skillfully undermine emotional needs owing to past hurtful experiences. And you might or might not be aware of it.
When you take a deep and clear look at yourself, chances are that you wish to have a deep connection with someone. Since you have developed a protective part in your character, it can identify certain signs as a red flag that prevents you from delving into emotional connections. You might be fiercely independent, which is a good sign, but you also need to realize that human connection can enhance the quality of life. Therapy and inner work can be of great help in resolving emotional unavailability issues.