This article was originally featured in Issue 02 of Arcadia magazine. Buy the magazine here.
Melissa Stetten is a model and writer living in Los Angeles. She’s appeared in national campaigns for L’Oreal, Bed Head and Lincoln Motors. She has written for Vice magazine and Esquire, and has also published a book titled ‘Models on Phones’. Melissa has made a name for herself as a satirical and fearless voice in an industry based on aesthetics. Here she reveals what she has learnt…
A few years ago, I was in love with a 50-year-old radio DJ. He cheated on me with a 17-year-old. Now I love my cat and Netflix documentaries about serial killers.
One time I Photoshopped a winning lottery ticket and tweeted it. People thought it was real. For the next 4 hours I received death threats and comments from strangers saying I didn’t deserve to win because I was too pretty. I guess winning the bone-structure lottery is worth more than $100,000,000. Still waiting on that cheque, Obama…
Never trust a white guy who only dates Asian women.
I used to have a roommate who smoked tonnes of pot. She once told me “revenge is the best success,” and not the other way around. I think she was on to something.
If you tell a guy you love him and he doesn’t say it back, you legally have to jump off a bridge. It’s better than the fear of being alone the rest of your life!
I would have so many friends if it didn’t involve talking to so many strangers.
I’ve heard that you’re supposed to wait three dates to have sex with a guy. I usually wait three dates to discuss all the anti-depressants I take. Also: sex is literally the only exercise I get.
The hardest part of being an adult is stopping myself from eating doughnuts for every meal. It’s a fucking miracle I’ve kept myself alive for this long.
The world is full of garbage people who live in their parents’ garage and spend 18 hours a day on the internet calling women cunts. If you have no other goals in life, at least strive to NOT be that person.
The fact that I feel loyalty to black leather Alexander Wang bags is absolutely terrifying.
When I lived in New York City, there were two Starbucks a block away from my apartment. I had the freedom to choose which store I bought my morning chai latte from. Some countries don’t even allow women the choice of having an abortion. Fuck those countries.