What I’ve learned: Shan Boodran

Shan Boodram is a triple-threat, a certified sex educator, dating coach and relationship expert. Her fearless approach to love and sex has seen her crowned as the internet’s most celebrated sexologist, racking up 40 million YouTube views. She is an ambassador for AIDS Healthcare Foundation and WomensHealth.gov and a member of the American Sexual Health Association.

Love  – as humans, our super power is our ability to love. And I don’t mean that in a corny way, I mean that in a practical sense. We aren’t the strongest, biggest or fastest but our ability to work together and look out for one another is our greatest strength. Without love, we would be extinct.

Money – money matters. I grew up in a working-class home where a lot of very negative attitudes about and around money were instilled in me. I remember even in my twenties saying I never wanted to be rich because rich people are unhappy. Turns out, that’s BS. Money is neutral, it’s neither good nor bad and it’s only the person who interacts with it that can assign it further meaning. So, if you’re a great person I think money can allow you to do great things. Same goes if you’re an insecure person, but again that’s not money’s fault.

Trust – trust in the goodness of others. Trust that most people aren’t out to get you, instead they may just not know the best way to get enough for themselves. I believe most people are good with good intentions but often times, bad ideas. So I trust a lot and pay attention to someone’s decision making skills even more.

Success – Is a moment not a destination. It’s a feeling, not a state of being. Even as I read the word I don’t know how I feel about it but I’m sure if I achieved a NYT Bestseller, I’d own it! But even then, I can’t guarantee that I’d feel the same way the following year, or even six months. 

Fear – is an important emotion that gets a bad rep. If you’re afraid, that’s your body’s way of warning you something isn’t quite right or that something is important and needs your attention. Fear is your call to action to start double and triple checking whatever is in your control.

Friends – are not an extremely important part of my life. Is that awful to say? Maybe that’s because most of my friends actually fall under other categories I hold more dear to my heart: life partner, family, peers and mentors. 

Sex – reminds me of who I am, what matters and what I know for sure. It’s my fav way to reset.

Myself – Bomb af. I am impressing myself so much this past month. It’s insane, I’m so much smarter, wiser, more business savvy, hard working and honestly cooler than I give myself credit for. It’s almost like I’ve been watching me do me from a bird’s eye view of late and all I can say is wow, she’s incredible.

Society – is the mass organization of the many, designed to benefit the some. Some of us are privileged enough to get to choose if we are apart of the many, or the some. 

Loyalty has no relevance to me. Loyalty is the notion that what you have done before, determines how I will regard you going forward. No. I don’t owe anyone anything and I’m not sticking by someone just because there was a time where that may have made sense. I’m a very fair, rational and logical person who makes great decisions. So the concept of loyalty has no appeal to me. I’ll decide what’s right for me and I reserve the right to change my mind if the circumstances/ relationship no longer makes sense.

Freedom– is a privilege I don’t take for granted. It is the gift to decide who you want to be and I exercise that gift every single day. I’m always growing, chasing, changing, challenging and analysing – that’s how I pay homage to freedom.

The Game Of Desire: 5 Surprising Secrets to Dating with Dominance and Getting What You Want by Shan Boodram is on sale now.